Sometimes I Suck at Parenting……

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Sometimes I Suck at Parenting……

Deep breathe…..sometimes I suck at parenting. It’s a fact. I’m human, flawed, impatient and just plain don’t have my shit together every minute of the day. I would love to blame my own parents for this because 1) they sucked as parents (WAY more than me) and 2) introspection is hard.

My latest bout of mediocrity (OK failure) happened last night. It happened late at night when patience reservoirs were low or perhaps empty. My daughter wanted a special breakfast out this weekend just the two of us. Son got wind of this and wanted in. At 11:17pm I wasn’t able to negotiate this emotional minefield without casualties. I tried to postpone the decision knowing that some decisions are best made when well rested. Daughter couldn’t do that pushed and pushed for an answer. So I asked her….”what would you have me do – hurt your feelings by not going or hurt his feelings by excluding him”. I described it as the lose-lose situation that it was and determined that no one would go out to breakfast. This resulted in many tears on her part….impatience on my part and eventually a heart felt conversation. It was emotionally exhausting and I felt like a bad mom. I did promise to spend one on one time with my daughter but at a different venue. That seemed like the best compromise. You know compromise – no one is really happy but it seems somewhat fair, ugh.

My girl is going through a phase right now where she wants to spend a lot of one on one time with me. Of course that shifts immediately if a better offer comes along  and I am fine with getting placed on hold so she can spend time with friends. My issue is I have two children and I need to be mindful of how so much time spent with one child impacts the other. So I just keep talking to them individually and encourage open communication (preferable before 10pm). It’s a juggling act and did I mention I’m not good at juggling. Multitasking emotional situations, it’s difficult.

I am aware that these children that I adore with my entire being will be gone within the next decade. Off to their own lives to parts yet to be determined. I will not have these late night soul searching conversations. They won’t always show me their raw emotions….these hiccuped conversations are a gift. I probably won’t always be able to conjure up an image when they mention the name of a friend, classmate or colleague. They won’t always have room for me in their lives and that is the nature of the parenting beast. It makes me equal parts sad and grateful. Somebody please slow this train.

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8 responses »

  1. I have been there, having three kids myself. The answer is its impossible and I can’t remember one on one time. No such thing as a perfect parent and I look at it this ways as they are adults now who arent in jail I musta done ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad that you wrote this as this is my life as well. I constantly feel guilty trying to spread myself between my kids. One has autism and requires more of my attention with his special needs. The other has anger issues (ADHD/ODD) and doesn’t understand why I have to do and be so much to his brother. I feel like I’m failing both of them so much and so often it hurts to try sometimes. Ugh sometimes I suck at parenting too. 😔

    Liked by 1 person

      • It really is, my kids are most forgiving after my apologies. I love that refuse to stay stuck in guilt. It makes a difference to keep on fighting for the strength it takes to do this parenting gig.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Lord, I feel you! But sounds like you handled it well and you got a nice heartfelt conversation out of it which happens less and less frequently as they get older. I agree, slow this train down!

    Liked by 1 person

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