Work It (or Not)…

Work It (or Not)…

Confession whenever I say work it, I instantly think of the Missy Elliott song. If I wasn’t too cheap to pay for premium WordPress I’d drop a link here, sorry about that. I have to save my money, I’ve been thinking about getting (coughs quietly) “work done”. I suppose everyone has their cosmetic Achilles heel, mine is the bags under my eyes. They aren’t full blown moving-across-the-Atlantic-and-putting-everything-in-trunks size yet but they aren’t casual weekenders either.

A big chunk of me feels guilty and stupid for even considering making a change. The world is one big dumpster fire and here I am wanting to hold on to the pretty a bit longer. It seems like such a shallow and frivolous preoccupation. Then again, if it makes you feel better about yourself…welcome to my internal tortured dialogue. If a friend told me they wanted to do something, I would be their biggest cheerleader. Perhaps I need to befriend myself because apparently I’m not above all this shit just yet. I’d like to be, I’m just not.

The other day I went to see a cosmetic surgeon for a consultation. It cost a fair amount just to discuss the options and the office is about an hour away. I lost half a day to this expedition. After the worst photo session EVER (“before” pictures are a horror show, they want you to look bad) they asked if I had any pictures from my 20s. I laughed because the only pictures I had on my phone were ones that I used for an 80s party a few years back.  I was in my early 20s at the time and now I don’t even look like I’m related to this chick –


It was the 80s baby! 30 years and about as many pounds ago…

We discussed three options 1) Surgery 2) Injectables or 3) INTRAcel Treatment. I won’t lie the first option is not unappealing – aside from the anesthesia, recovery and OMFG costs. You do it once (the right way) and you’re done, the eye bags are packed and out of there, bah-bye. As tempting as that is (if I won the lottery and wasn’t a chicken shit), that was a hard pass for me. I have a teenage daughter and the last thing I want to do is be a role model of physical change via cosmetic surgery. Perhaps when she is away at college….

I thought about the second option. The doctor I saw is one of the top doctors in his field,  he is an ophthalmologist and board-certified cosmetic surgeon in four specialties. If someone is going to be poking needles near my eyeballs, he’s the guy. Alas, this is also a pass as it is temporary and expensive for something so short-term.

That leaves the third option which is some combination of micro-needling, radio frequency and voodoo of some sort. I almost pulled the trigger on this one. The cost is somewhere between ridiculous and stupid expensive and there could be some side effects. The first thing that freaked me out was a script for Valtrex. Apparently it is standard procedure to take it before treatment to avoid the possibility of a Shingles or a Herpes outbreak. Let’s just be clear, I don’t have Herpes. I did have Chicken Pox as a kid and Shingles is no joke. So hello GI distress and possible yeast infection, good times.

The treatment itself consists of a machine that pummels your face to the sweet spot of pinpoint bleeding and (fingers crossed) NOT 8th round in the boxing ring and you just lost. Swelling, bruising, blood, possible scabbing, scaring small children, wear large Jackie O sunglasses for a week after AND this was the most tempting of the three options. Wow, when I type it out it seems rather insane. Beauty is pain bitches (and expensive as hell).

I got as far as scheduling an appointment and filling the script, then I cancelled it. I’m going to do some more research and see if there are other more cost effective options. I did like the office staff and the doctor but the doctor would not be performing the voodoo, a technician would. With that in mind, I may be able to find another option closer to home for a more reasonable rate. Or maybe I’ll just say f*ck it because we’re all going to be dust soon enough.

Curious if any of my readers have considered making a cosmetic change – big or small. Obviously self-acceptance is the ultimate goal, is it wrong to get a boost?


18 responses »

  1. Gawd Bryce, I just wrote a post on almost the same thing, although I haven’t published it yet. You beat me to the punch, I have the same issues, then to add to that I have pores the size of potholes and genetic laugh lines that are getting deeper by the minute (thanks dad!). Not to mention the angry “11” in between my eyes. I also have melasma that bothers the shit out of me. I will be your biggest cheerleader, because I think if we’re doing it for us and no one else then by all means let’s fucking do it! I have gone through many options and the one I’m willing to go thru (with the minimal amount of cost) is a deep chemical peel. The plastic surgeon I spoke with said I “might” need more than two sessions. But that’s fine with me, the peel will get rid of most of the hyperpigmentation, reduce my pores and reduce the bags under my eyes. For me it’s a win-win without going under the knife just yet. I just want to look good and less self conscience about myself. Oh by the way, awesome picture, you look like Samantha Fox, remember her? Lol

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Huntress….holy 80s Samantha Fox…she did have that one song I liked. Good luck with the peel(s)…that reminds me of the Sex in the City episode when Samantha (again with that name, weird) gets a chemical peel. If you aren’t familiar with it you may want to skip depending on how committed you are to the peel. Thanks for visiting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I saw that episode, and I’ve looked into the type of peel I’m going to have. I mentioned that episode (jokingly) to the doctor. He laughed and said a lot of women reference that show to him. He said that won’t happen to me because we’ll be doing the peels is phases (crossing fingers). Samantha Fox had the songs Naughty Girls Need Love Too & Touch Me. Those are the only two songs I remember, lol.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. With all due respect to The Huntress I don’t think you look like Samantha Fox but rather Annette Zilinskas. Actually it would be totally understandable if you didn’t know who that is. Bass players tend to get overlooked even though they’re all cool and really important. Imagine “Hazy Shade Of Winter”–not the Simon & Garfunkel version, but the Bangles version–without the bass line. It’s lacking something.
    You need a bass line of your own. Or a cheerleader of you own. Befriending yourself is a good thing but it’s just as good to have a backup who’s not you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’ve considered it, but not seriously. I’m 62 and although I’m sure there are women out there who have had it done and look great, there are also those who look like androids. I’m not sure which group I’d fall into so I always opt for caution. Always interesting, though…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When I was pregnant with my son, my abdominal panel tore in half. Then it healed separately, making me look like I was forever pregnant (my doctor said the only thing holding my internal organs in was skin). It was devastating to my self-esteem since I was only in my early 30s. So I had a full abdominoplasty done–panel repair and tummy tuck–the whole shebang. It was an absolute nightmare for the first few weeks (those makeover shows that have the women walking around the next day or even two weeks later are bullshit), but after about a month I started to feel better and healed up nicely. I never regretted it and I was finally able to look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry:-)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: It Burns! | Was that my out loud voice?

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