Coming Soon, the TP1CGAF

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Coming Soon, the TP1CGAF

I’m at a food store at least six times a week. Two of those times are for the elderly clients that I take out for errands, the rest are for my family. I have to amuse myself at the grocery store because I’m there so much. I also spend more time than is needed in the parking lot.  It’s my escape when I need some urgent “me time” and yes, I realize how pathetic that sounds, thank you for noticing. I also sneak in a few rounds of Word Stacks in case you weren’t already judging me too harshly.

One of the things that I find funny lately is the advertising for toilet paper. The commercials for TP are awful – especially the one’s that boast about how clean your ass will be if you use their product. There’s also significant shelf space dedicated to adult wipes because apparently we’ve forgotten how to do that properly.

The thing that got me today though was the number of rolls that the manufacturer claims to represent in a package. A package of 6 rolls will now replace prior packs of 1,272 rolls (OK 12, close enough). Made me envision the next iteration of TP manufacturing when they try to get a year’s worth of toilet paper on a commercial grade spool. It may not fit in your bathroom but it will last the average family of four 12 months (Manufacturer disclaimer: unless your family comes down with a stomach bug then maybe 11 months and 17 days).

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Bob at Charmin is currently working on the latest innovation within the toilet paper industry. The TP1CGAF. it lasts one year for a family of four. We can’t cure cancer or the common cold but dagnamit we won’t rest until no one has to change the TP roll for at least a year. Amazon may gripe about delivering this through Prime.

I’m waiting for AI to take over this task, in a few short years, Rosie the Robot will fetch your next roll of TP and place it on the holder facing toward the user as G*d intended.

 

Bonus points if anyone wants to guess what TP1CGAF stands for in the comments.

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5 responses »

  1. Agreed, TP commercials are far becoming more and more ludacris. Like the one with the bears dancing and fantasizing about their TP. Meanwhile I’m like, bears with TP what has this world come to? The saying “Does a bear s*** in the woods” no longer have the same meaning because apparently they use bathrooms and dance with their toilet paper. :/

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A co-worker has shared stories of Uncle Harry who occasionally visits and uses an entire roll of toilet paper every time he goes in the bathroom.
    I want that one-year roll to be a real thing not just for the convenience–seriously, I can imagine that being installed in the wall and having an automatic notification to let you know when you’re almost out–but also because I want to know how Uncle Harry handles it.

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