Monthly Archives: October 2019

Fingers Crossed…

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Fingers Crossed…

Muthafuckah. Got some not great news today…for my regulars you may recall a post from last week when I waxed poetic about my crappy health insurance. I begged my doctor’s office for a script for an MRI but they declined because my insurance (sucks) needed me to go through more hoops first because they’re assholes.

I figured an x-ray would be useless because the pain I have seems nerve related. Pins and needles, like when your foot falls asleep. The foot thing usually passes after a few minutes, the situation I’m dealing with is 24/7.  The pain ranges from a 3 to an 8, it’s never gone completely. I’ve had about six weeks of this now and I’m starting to get cranky. However, the insurance company needs a checklist ticked off before it will pay for an MRI so basically we ALL work for the insurance company now – the doctors, medical billers, patients, hospitals, labs – they own us.

Anyway the planets aligned and I got the referrals, made the appointment, and saw the doctor. The appointment was with a non-surgical Orthopedic at the Rothman Institute. The office ran like a well-oiled machine. They even took an x-ray of my neck for $20. which is the best deal I’ve gotten since well, ever. My PCP wouldn’t send me for an X-Ray because she’s scared of my insurance.

The x-ray didn’t show much (shocking) so I got my script for the MRI. The RI office staff managed to get an authorization code from my cheap ass (yet freakishly expensive) insurance company so I got my MRI a few days ago. This morning I got a call around 9:15am from an unknown number so I let it go to voicemail. It was the Orthopedic doctor. Well, that was unexpected. I called the office told them I would be available after 12:30. I got another call from the doctor at 12:32, this is highly unusual. Doctors calling as soon as they get the results to discuss it with you…

Doc: Hello, I wanted to let you know I got the MRI and it isn’t terrible.

Me: (nervous laughter) Great, not terrible is good, maybe.

Doc: We compared this MRI to the one you had in 2010 and the same area is involved (cervical).

Me: I’m glad you were able to hunt that down.

Doc: I’m recommending that you see a surgeon.

Me: Oh.

Doc: There’s some compression around the spine and some fluid. (barely audible) Myelomalacia

Me: Mya-what?

Doc: Myelomalacia, don’t Google it.

Me: Of course I’m going to Google it, you just told me not to.

He then proceeded to name some doctors that are spinal surgeons. I got off the phone and promptly cried for 45 seconds. Then I started Googling, then I took a walk because I can’t do anything else. He told me to hold off on physical therapy until I see the surgeon. Oddly enough I had a physical therapy consult scheduled for this afternoon.

I talked to my husband, I talked to a friend, I talked to God and my dog. I made the appointment for Monday which is a miracle in itself. Hopefully, I’ll have more information and the start of a game plan this time next week.

I put my gym membership on hold. That was when it hit me, shit got real. Exercise has been a physical and mental release for me for 30 years. Now I have restricted exercise (walking) and constant pain, it’s not an ideal combination. I’m trying to not think about it too much until my next appointment, easier said than done. Fingers crossed…

 

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Red, White & Blue (privilege)

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Red, White & Blue (privilege)

Red, White and Blue, the colors of Old Glory. America is such a mess right now. It takes determined concentration to not get sucked into the propaganda on either side. My country has turned into a dysfunctional family gathering where some guests have clearly been over-served and the quiet relations are hiding in the corner trying to remain invisible. Meanwhile the host is getting dinner on the table three hours late lamenting about the state of the world and how things would be so much better if we turned back the clock to 1957. Better for whom?

Precious few are willing to listen to people with a different political view because they believe their side is morally superior. There are sides now, definitive lines in the sand, us versus them, red against blue. We need to be one country again. Country before party and all that. What scares me the most though, is that this type of divisive ideology is simultaneously happening all over the world.

The colors of America’s flag represent different ideas to me now. Please know this is my version of stereotypes of extremists on each end. I know that there are rational, compassionate Republicans and Democrats. I still believe we have a lot of overlapping common ground we just need to commit to finding it.

Red (privilege) – The ability to actively and passionately care for an unborn fetus while simultaneously being OK with brown kids getting separated from their families for an undefined amount of time at border crossings. God-loving Christians who would rather spend money beefing up the military then covering entitlement programs like WIC, Welfare or Food Stamps. Who will financially support those fetuses that grow into children that need food, clothing, shelter and a stable home? While hand-wringing over the unborn, the reds turn a callous eye away from the epidemic of gun violence that claim thousands of lives each year (approximately 11,000 in 2017 according to the BBC). WWJD indeed?

White (privilege) – Imagine if President Obama made public statements encouraging Russia, Ukraine and China to dig up dirt on a political rival during a campaign. Oh what’s that, you can’t imagine a world where that’s possible. OK then, imagine if Obama was accused of a dozen or so variations of sexual assault. Better yet, switch out Obama for Trump in the infamous Access Hollywood tape and then imagine him getting elected after that…would never happen. Yes my friends that is (rich) white privilege.

Blue (privilege) – You claim to be the party of compassion, pro choice and ultimate Democracy yet you stop talking to people if they disagree with your political views. You want to rid the world of bullies and tyrants yet you go full on beast mode if someone questions your vaccination choices. Live and let live unless someone is living in a way that you find offensive. You need to give people a chance to catch up with each new iteration of socially acceptable behavior – the rules change daily. Better yet, allow space for people to have a different belief. Some religions don’t support homosexual life styles. Yeah, it’s sad. I’m here to tell you that I can eat some Chick-fil-A without being a LGBTQ hater. As Freud once said, sometimes a nugget is just a nugget, not a political statement. I can’t pull up a manifesto for each corporate conglomerate before I order lunch. Everyone is a bully if they aren’t your brand of “woke”. Full stop.

The point is there are extremists on both sides – two wings on the same bird. The bird flies better if the wings are working together. If the wings are constantly flapping in opposite directions it’s a death spiral. I’m dizzy from the constant, chaotic circling and that hard crash landing is getting closer.

I hope we can get back to a place where we place country over party. Where morals matter all the time, not just when it fits a specific narrative. I want decent, compassionate, intelligent leadership. I want well thought out policies, not impulse driven, reactionary decisions via Twitter promulgated by a constant stream of political pundits shouting over each other on red and blue networks. The people, you and me, we are the only ones that can fix this mess. The politicians sold us out decades ago, it’s all on us now.