Heard of Elf on the Shelf? The popular tiny toy spy that has parents shouting “Oh shit!” most mornings in December when they realize they forgot to move him the night before. Maybe slow down on the eggnog Susan so you can make those magical Christmas memories.
Here’s a rundown in case you aren’t familiar….Elf on the Shelf is basically an overpriced toy that comes with a backstory and a high probability of some minor childhood trauma. The elf is supposed to “watch” your children and return each night to the North Pole to help Santa determine if each kid makes the naughty or nice list.
The elf typically lands in a different spot from the previous day and sometimes it gets into some shenanigans (Photo Exhibit A) – if parents forget to move the elf, eventually kids start to question the legitimacy of the stew of lies you’ve been feeding them.
Well this is Jack with a Rack (JR). Jack with a Rack is made for adults. He/She/They (your Jack, your rules) is here to get you through the stresses of the holiday season. Jack doesn’t care if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Las Posadas, Diwali or Chinese New Year. Jack is down to be your drinking pal, bed buddy or silent partner in crime. So get jacked with your new friend this December, we won’t tell Santa!
You write it, I’ll illustrate it. The Elf on the Shelf lady is LOAAAAAAADED with Elf dollars. Then we can afford peletons.
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Wait UP – have you been holding out on me? Can you draw?
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I wrote an Elf on the Shelf rant a few years ago–I can’t believe people subject their kids to the little monster. I’d much prefer Jack, especially if he’s going to be my drinking buddy!
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I’m gifting a Jack with a Rack at an adults only gift exchange…he comes with vodka, condoms, duct tape (fixes anything) and Vaseline.
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You forgot the chocolate body paint…
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Well there was a budget….and I just found out that the gift exchange has been changed this year. People are supposed to bring two or three of their favorite things as gifts…..I’m keeping the duct tape in the mix, that shit is handy.
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You could duct tape a banana to a door and sell it as art https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/art-basel-banana-duct-taped-to-wall-sells-for-120000-miami-beach-2019-12-06/
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Fresh out of bananas but I did put the duct tape in a gift box with a tiny sign that reads – “It can’t fix stupid but it can muffle the noise.” the other gift is chocolates, traditional not the sexy time chocolate. I still have to find a use for the cheap vodka, condoms, and vaseline….I see an awkward gift exchange in my future. My best hope is anonymity tonight’s exchange requires transparency, boo-hiss.
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