BINGO is basically Lord of the Flies for octogenarians. I took a client tonight, she lives in an Assisted Living Facility. They had door prizes, gift baskets and a 50/50 raffle. It was a sold out event at $20. a person plus the extra fees – dabbers, raffle tickets and additional boards. Ladies had their hair done, the nice cardigans were worn and I detected a bit of Old Spice in the air. This was a night out, it was festive.
I planned to get there half an hour before it started but afternoon traffic set me 10 minutes behind schedule. My friend was ready to go when I got to her apartment. She uses a walker so it’s never a fast hustle, more like a slow shuffle. We got to the registration table 5 minutes after it opened and we were in the first half of the crowd. It’s really important to get to these events early so my friend can sit within close proximity of her walker. She needs an end seat and 75% of the population at BINGO needed an end seat. I still move quicker than most of them so preferred seating was secured. I may have gotten some side eye from some of the residents, I pretended not to notice.
I got Helen settled and then went to the BINGO buffet to get some snacks. It always surprises me how they offer up all these high fat, sodium and carb filled options to a population which is most likely supposed to be on low-sodium or low fat diets. Whatevs, my blood pressure is fine. I loaded the plate with mini quiches, taco innards, pizza pitas, soft pretzels and mystery juice (it remains undefined with subtle notes of cranberry and institutional seltzer). Helen was happy for the pretzel and juice, I kept the rest (regret is setting in).
Back at the table I noticed the BINGO cards and instructions which included a coupon for a McDonald’s breakfast. This was a score since Helen loves their pancakes and sausage. I typically treat her to it once a week, saved myself $4.02 with that gem. That’s not all though there was also a notepad listing the contact info for the local politician that supplied the freebie. I kept flashing back to BINGO scenes from Better Call Saul.
There were 10 games to be played along with an intermission. The event was supposed to run from 4 – 6pm. We weren’t hearing any numbers being called until 4:45, the crowd was getting antsy. I find it interesting that these people that I see slowly, sometimes painfully shuffle through the halls, suddenly develop cat-like reflexes and hawk vision when BINGO starts. In the first 5 games, Edna, a “known gambler”, won twice. People started to talk in hushed whispers that don’t sound hushed when the hushers are hearing impaired. I could hear the chatter on the other side of the room. The host joked that Edna should be careful at intermission. Oddly enough, after intermission, it was announced that Edna donated one of her prizes to be auctioned off as another door prize. True story. I don’t know the full story on Edna and I still can’t figure out how she rigged the game.
Good news is Helen won a round in the second half. Well we both did as I made sure she was staying current. Unfortunately there was another winner for the same game. They resolve that by having each winner pull a card from a deck and the highest card wins. Helen pulled a 5, I knew we were screwed. She got a consolation prize, a certificate to the in-house beauty salon. She won’t go, she’s had the same lady do her hair for at least 30 years. She should trade it for a meal voucher. She just needs to find a neighbor in need of having her hair set and she’ll have some leverage.
The last game was a full card which is like a marathon in the BINGO world. Someone needs to complete an entire card before the game is over. I takes a solid 15 minutes. Doesn’t sound like much, but 15 minutes at the end of BINGO in a retirement home feels a bit like infinity. We powered through with minimal moaning. There was the sound of popping knees, various crackling noises and some whispered curses as people hoisted themselves up when the game ended. Helen and I managed to get a good jump on the elevator traffic and I got her back upstairs to her apartment. I’ll be bringing her some McDonald’s hot cakes and sausage when I visit again on Friday.