I’m always late to the party – Facebook, smart phones, Twitter – I still don’t do Pinterest (it’s for the good of humanity). I average about 3 to 7 years behind the times and I am solidly OK with that. Perhaps you’re a Luddite like me or you live under a rock and haven’t heard of the Instant Pot….it’s kind of taking over. I know you were busy worrying about American politics, healthcare, fretting over corporate conglomerates and foreign oligarchies, turn your head and look at the horror that is upon us, the Instapot (it even has a cute nickname so you’ll be lulled into a false sense of security).
Chill Bryce it’s a damn kitchen appliance, destined to gather dust and be forgotten about soon. Nay, nay my uninformed friend the Instapot is a magic pot with special powers and it’s sole purpose is to take over the world. Rumor has it that it can serve 7 functions in one easy to clean pot. According to the manufacturer and Internet lure, it can be used as a slow cooker, pressure cooker, rice cooker, steamer, yogurt maker, warming pot and can be used to brown and saute. You know what else has 7 levels – Dante’s Inferno. Draw your own conclusions.
The scariest part of the magic pot taking over the world thing is the cult following. I decided to join an Instapot FB Group about two months ago. To increase my odds of being accepted, I created posts that made it seem like I owned an Instapot (actually the Instapot would own me, that’s how it works, amateur). People have applied and gotten into Harvard with less rejection. Somehow I got past security and they let me in. I also belong to a Instapot Snark Group which is hands down the best thing on Facebook. The snark group would not exist if the original group wasn’t so bat sh*t crazy.
Last night I was browsing on Facebook when I saw a post on my newsfeed. The author questioned if people got upset when non-believers called her magic contraption an Instapot (gasp)? I was kind of baffled, is that short for Instant Pot or is there some secret code name like Master or Great One that we are supposed to use? The comments were coming in with lightning speed. Some were logical – “Uh, no I’m not that crazy (insert side eye).” Others were more understanding “Why yes that does bother me. Master gets upset when His greatness is not recognized (insert wide smile and crazy eyes).” The fun didn’t last long though. The administrators for that group are tightly wound – panties were bunched, feathers were ruffled and the controversial post was deleted post haste.
So as I am doing my “research” for this post…..I stumble upon something hilarious. A truly hysterical post by Paul Beer who of course wrote this over a month ago. As usual I’m late to the party. You’ve been warned.