Tag Archives: #family

Gasping for Air

Standard
Gasping for Air

What does a writer do when they feel too vulnerable to write? It’s OK I’ll just wait over here until the universe can send me an answer….still waiting……….waiting some more. Well the universe doesn’t seem to be getting back to me so I guess I’ll have to take the steering wheel, again.

I feel like the world has gone fahking mad. How did we get here? The terrorists attacks, the society of rage that seems to be festering all around us……Donald Trump. It feels like one big WTF moment that has gone viral well beyond it’s 15 minutes of fame. So there’s that.

On a personal level I have been watching my kids struggle with tween/teen issues. I feel like my heart resides outside my body in two distinct and always moving places…..and it can be assaulted at any time, unprovoked. I guess that’s how it is when you have kids, forever vulnerable. I don’t think this is a phase we will transition through….sure the teen years will pass, but I will always be vulnerable to their pain, assuming I’m aware of it.

My kids tell me a lot, maybe too much. I’d rather know what’s going on, at least for now. I reserve the right to change my mind on that in the future. My husband thinks I coddle. I disagree. I think I have created a mostly safe place for our children to come to when they need to talk. I say mostly safe because sometimes I suck at this parenting thing. Catch me at 11pm on any given night and I am not at my best and neither are they. Yet that seems to be the time when they want to get close and tell me their fears, their sadness, their pain and of course their joys and dreams as well. It’s a mixed bag but lately the mix is leaning heavy on fears and sadness and it’s weighing us all down.

Raising humans is hard. I mean think about it you are shaping a person into their pre-adult self….enormous fahking responsibility. And I know this…..I’ve been doing the parent thing for over 13 years now…it’s just sometimes that weight just smacks you in the face when you were taking a moment to look the other way. Blind sided, unprepared caught unaware, gasping for air. That’s how it feels right now.

Advertisements

My Girl

Standard
My Girl

My girl is at that intersection of childhood and adolescence. She is sporty and likes reptiles………she also appreciates a good lip balm along with a mani-pedi. For her 11th birthday she really wanted a bearded dragon to which we said hellz no. We negotiated it down to a crested gecko who will be named DJ Steve. My husband is always the bad cop in these scenarios and I don’t do a thing to help him. Truth be told I would host a weird little zoo if he wasn’t such a sour puss. It’s probably good that we both aren’t pushovers in regard to the animal kingdom.

She also wanted UGG boots and to be honest, I felt better about fulfilling the reptile wish. I grew up broke so I would have never dared to even dream of UGGs. In fact I still don’t own UGGs. I feel weird about wearing things with fancy labels. I once had a close friend give me a pair of Prada sandals and they had a big ‘ole PRADA decorative circle in the front, I think I wore them once. Clearly I’m a bit nuts in this regard but I don’t want her to be someone who gets caught up in status and trendy bullshit. I suspect we will do battle over these issues as the teenage years approach.  But for today…..I love this space that we are in…..she loves her friends, isn’t afraid to try things and she likes having me around, still wants to do things with me.  I can see the horizon of teenage drama and the inevitable gap that will develop in our relationship and I don’t like it. So today we eat cake and live for the moment.